Tim Nice But Dim

Hold the front page! Wimbeldon Shock! Disappointment! Ancic wipes the floor with Tim Henman's lilly-white ass!
"I certainly came second", he points out after the match. Yeah, second out of two, "Tiger".

At least there'll be no more of those crypto-fascistic, moronic middle-England-wannabes in their lame St George's wigs and capes bleating "C'mon Tim!" for another year. Henman Hill, my arse.

Here are a couple of tennis articles to check out. One's in the Sindie this week. The other's from this time last year in the Grauniad.
The latter takes a look at just how racist modern tennis is, in case you were in any doubt.

Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike him because he's middle class, it's because he's a twat. Last year he boasted that he doesn't read- "I don't do books- they're boring". Jeez!

I'd hazard a guess that David Beckham isn't currently re-reading Finnegan's Wake for the fifth time at the moment, but at least he has the common sense and decency not to try and influence people NOT to read. Imagine the headlines!

Back to your home counties playground, Persil-boy.
Anyway, now that's off my chest, I'm feeling a bit peckish. I quite fancy a lovely honey-glazed ciabbata with delicious foie gras, all washed down with a strawberry daiquiri- Jeeves!

Ealing Comedy

You're about as likely to find Michael Jackson presenting a UNICEF press conference as you are to find a decent Labour MP these days.
My pal Tom Lennon recently emailed me details of a motion tabled in the Commons by Stephen Pound, MP for Ealing North. And it was this:

"That this house notes with sadness the 10th anniversary of the death of Bill Hicks, on February 26th 1994, at the age of 33; recalls his assertion that his words would be a bullet in the heart of consumerism, capitalism and the American Dream; and mourns the passing of one of the few people who may be mentioned as being worthy of inclusion with Lenny Bruce in any list of unflinching and painfully honest political philosophers."

Surely he should be PM. But there's more...

Radio 4 ran a competition at the end of last year whereby the noble Mr Pound would look at introducing a bill as voted for by the listeners. The BBC described it as a "unique chance to rewrite the law of the land".
Of course, most listeners to R4's Today programme are awful Tory kneejerk reactionaries, so what did they want? A law to authorise homeowners to use any means whatsover to defend their homes from intruders....
And Mr Pound's reaction? "The people have spoken....the bastards!".

You can listen to his quote via the Today website.

And So It Begins...

I'm a cunctator- at least I think that's what the bloke down the pub said.
And he was on the money. I put the pro into procrastinate.
That's why it's only taken me six months to get this up and running. But I have also managed to drink gallons of tea and smoke fags as if they were, well, going out of fashion, so it's not like I've been doing nothing.